Snow Cesia and the Seven Freakin' HOT Bishounens
by Schnickledooger
Summary: In which the story of Snow White is retold and you discover all that you've known to be true is false. LOL, this is what REALLY happened! Parody, how else would Kharl fit in this?


**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Dragon Knights **or its characters, I am merely borrowing them for my own sinister and often humiliating devices, lol.

**Summary: **In which the tale of Snow White is retold and you discover all you've known to be true is false. LOL, this is what REALLY happened!

**Title: Snow Cesia and the Seven Freakin' HOT Bishouens**

**Dedication: **to all my **Dragon Knights** fans who have been so patient with my lack of updates and ignoring them for writing other category fics. I love you all!

**Ch1. The Beginning**

Once upon a time in a far away land called Dusis, there lay the Dragon Castle in the capitol of Dragoon. Now this country's citizens were good, honest and kind people who toiled out their lives in a hard day's work. However, the ruler they served was nothing of the sort. Kharl was selfish, unorganized, evil, and had an unhealthy obsession with the rightful heir, Prince Rath.

You see, Kharl wasn't really the ruler of the Dusis. He was merely the Regent for Prince Rath, set in his position by the past rulers, Lord Lykuleon and Lady Raseleane, who had grown tired of the "tedious affairs of royal duty" and had abdicated their reign and jumped on the first boat to Costa Rica Village. Their last law as King and Queen was to have Rath ascend the throne when he was of age and had found a girl to marry and rule by his side. Needless to say, Kharl kept this information to himself as he did not wish to give up his reign any time soon. That and he also wanted Prince Rath all to himself. Not only was he enchanted by the prince's dark raven black hair and shining golden eyes, but he also had figured if he as Regent, married Prince Rath, the rightful heir, then he could truly become King without any bloodshed.

Yes, Kharl was a deviously wicked mastermind, who got secretly rid of any potential wives for his beloved prince through the aid of his magic mirror. Everyday when he arose out of bed, he would look long out of his window upon Prince Rath practicing his swordsmanship skills in the courtyard below, then walk to the Magic Mirror hanging on his wall and ask, "Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who holds my beloved's heart most of all?". And though he greatly desired to hear "YOU, YOU, YOU!", the Magic Mirror answered him the same everytime, "What I say is sad and true, the day your hair lies flat is the day he'll love you!".

That was when Prince Rath didn't have any recent crushes. For when any certain maiden caught the young man's eye, then the Magic Mirror would reply to Kharl, "Alas, alack, woe unto you, the one who hold's yon prince's heart is a Mary Sue!". If Kharl heard this reply, he would immediately dash to his study, pour over several thick spellbooks and concoct a vile poison (after flying into a rage of unrequited love, screaming and tearing at his hair that is).

In any event, all that the rest of the castle's occupants and citizens knew was that Prince Rath could never get a girl to stick with him, and had resigned themselves to the cruel fate of serving an evil dictator for the remainder of their lives. All that however, was about to change though.

It started one bright sunny morning just as Prince Rath's swordsmanship lesson had come to a close. The dark-haired young man was in the process of wiping beads of perspiration off his brow and was not looking where he was going, and the next thing he knew he had crashed into someone, sending them both toppling to the ground. Thus it was there, in the midst of the humble courtyard, did Prince Rath's eyes did behold a very lovely fair maiden with long tumbling locks of curly black hair, flowing purple bangs, and stunning, shimmering, golden eyes. A wondrous vision of beauty, was she.

"Oh my!" the fair maiden gasped in shocked surprise, as she realized who she had stumbled into, "Prince Rath, please forgive my clumsiness! I beg your pardon, sire!"

And while the fair maiden was wondering if she was going to be beheaded for crashing into royalty, Prince Rath was blessing the fates for sending him she who he had decided to be his life bonded.

"Oh, Temptress Siren!" Prince Rath began, bending on one knee to propose since he was on the ground, "Thy beauty is as blinding as the brightly burning sun! Thy voice is as soft as the coo of a dove! Thy figure-"

Prince Rath stopped in mid-speech and quickly sized up the maiden's body, "Yes, thy figure catches mine eyes as much as Chocolate Cream Pie! Thy-"

Prince Rath had no time to finish his so-called proposal, for quite abruptly, his legs were somehow tripped out from underneath him. You see, even though he was a prince, the fair maiden could only take so much.

"Now listen here, princey!" the maiden ranted, red-faced with embarrassment, "Just because you're royalty doesn't give you the right to stand there and gawk at some poor person's body like they're French fries lathered in ketchup! And what's with all that 'thy' talk? I've heard you in conversations before and you've never sounded like that!"

Prince Rath quickly estimated the situation from his position flat out on his back from the ground and came to the conclusion that somehow his proposal was not going the way he planned.

"Well, to make the long story short," the prince stated, getting up, and deciding to cut right to the chase, "I have all the right in the world to stare at your body as you will be my future wife, so I suggest you get used it. And second, I thought the 'thy' talk would enhance the romance effect by reminding of Romeo and Juliet. However, I'm glad it puts you off. You have no idea how hard it is to talk like that!"

The fair maiden gaped at the prince several seconds, her head reeling at the news before finally regaining control of her senses and chucking her water bucket at the young man's head.

"I'M NOT MARRYING YOU, YOU PERVERT!" she screamed, "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU BESIDES THE FACT THAT YOU'RE A PRINCE WHO THINKS HE OWNS THE WORLD!"

"Hey, watch it!" Prince Rath exclaimed ducking the flying water bucket. Straightening up, he yelled back, "THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO START A RELATIONSHIP!"

"WE'RE NOT STARTING A RELATIONSHIP, CREEP!" the maiden shrieked in frustration, grabbing some rocks and flinging them at the prince angrily, "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY NAME!"

"FINE THEN! WHAT IS YOUR NAME?" Prince Rath shouted, dodging the hurled rocks left and right.

"THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" the maiden screeched, picking up her mop and tripping the prince's feet yet again.

And Prince Rath, who in the process to avoid the previously thrown rocks, had backed himself up against the well for the castle, tumbled head over heels down into it with a gigantic _SPLASH!_

This seemed to restore the fair maiden's memory of who exactly she had been trying to maim earlier, and her face quickly drained of color.

"OMIGAWD!" she screamed, rushing over to the well and peering into it's inky blackness, "PRINCE RATH! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? PRINCE RATH!"

And just as she was certain he had drowned, her date with the gallows set in full, and all hope of the land's future gone, she heard a rather sad voice call up to her, "There's a fish in my pants."

oOoOoOo

Prince Rath sat lying on the grass by the lake, watching the sun dry his clothes on the bank.

"So tell me again why I'm wearing your spare garments?" the dark-haired young man asked the maiden sitting next to him.

"I couldn't let you go back to the castle drenched to the bone!" the maiden explained as if it was obvious, "They would want to know what happened, and I'm too young and pretty to die!"

"Once again, I promise I wouldn't have told them the truth," Prince Rath sighed, looking up at the blue sky, "And yes, you are."

"Am what?" the fair maiden asked curiously.

"Pretty," Prince Rath stated, turning to look at her with searching eyes.

The maiden's face flushed red, though this time no longer in anger, and she nervously began fiddling with a strand of her hair.

"You know you never did tell me your name," the prince said, changing the subject to spare her further embarrassment.

"It's…Snow Cesia," the maiden at long last revealed.

"Really?" Prince Rath inquired, "That's pretty too."

Snow Cesia's already red face flared up even brighter.

Then the prince ruined the mood.

"Shall we set the wedding at tomorrow noon so we can honeymoon in the capitol by nightfall?"

"PERVERT!" Snow Cesia shrieked, giving the prince a good shove into lake.

"HEY!" Prince Rath exclaimed, surfacing and spewing out a fountain of water, "ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP DOING THAT?"

Snow Cesia ignored him and began to storm back towards the castle in a rage.

"HEY!" Prince Rath called to her, "WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN?"

Snow Cesia continue her angry stalking, but she took the time to shout over her shoulder with a hint of sarcasm, "MEET ME BACK HERE SAME TIME TOMORROW, _YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS!_"

"I think she likes me," Prince Rath stated grinning like an idiot to a frog sitting on lily pad, "How 'bout you?"

The frog gave a mournful croak and hopped back into the lake.

oOoOoOo

Thus it was that a tentative friendship sprung 'twixt the two young people, and every day spent in each other's company, they learned more about the other and began to enjoy the hours together.

Prince Rath found out the Snow Cesia was an orphan who was given work at the palace by the kind head maid, Cernozurna. He then learned the things that Snow Cesia enjoyed such as whistling while she worked, animals of all sorts, feeling the wind sift through her hair, picking flowers, singing songs, and daydreaming.

And Snow Cesia discovered the things that Prince Rath enjoyed such as collecting new swords, fighting with swords, fighting evil creatures like demons, hunting demons, killing demons, and searching for more demons after he had killed demons.

Yes, the two grew to know each other quite well and become closer every day, going on picnics, strolls through the castle's gardens, star-gazing at night, and one day Prince Rath even took Snow Cesia riding through the capitol on horse-back. And so, slowly but surely, their tentative friendship blossomed into a something more.

Of course, this relationship could not be kept a secret for very long. All of Draqueen had seen the two on horse-back, and then there was the Magic Mirror, which as soon as Prince Rath sorted out his true feelings for Snow Cesia, answered the evil Regent Kharl one day, "Listen well, Prince Rath you will miss, for Snow Cesia's the one whose lips he'll kiss!".

Needless to day, that this sent Kharl off on yet another temper tantrum. And when he was done hurling objects across the room and nursing a bruised toe, which he had hurt kicking his bed, he asked the Mirror sniffling, "Are you sure she's not just another Mary Sue?"

And the Magic Mirror replied, "Wave goodbye to your prince, so long, adieu, he loves Snow Cesia, so poo to you!"

This of course, set Kharl off into another mindless rage in which he screamed at the Mirror, "YOU KNOW IF YOU WEREN'T SO DARN USEFUL FOR SPYING ON MY BELOVED, I'D HAVE SMASHED YOU YEARS AGO! AND MUST YOU SPEAK IN RHYME ALL THE TIME?"

To which he received the response, "This is my curse as the past rulers' foe, they sealed me up and now I'm in woe!"

"Lykuleon and Raseleane did this to you?" Kharl inquired shrewdly, "Oh yes! Now I remember! You were that maniacal Demon Lord out for Complete World Domination, weren't you? Well, it's my dibs on that goal now, Dilly-boy! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!"

The Magic Mirror was not fazed in the least and merely stated, "Laugh all you want, fall on your side, Snow Cesia will be Prince Rath's bride!"

Then the Mirror blew a raspberry.

This cut Kharl's short temporary merriment and set the Regent into some quick critical scheming, in which he came up with the perfect plan. He would send his personal assassin, Garfakcy to kill Snow Cesia while she was on one of her nature hikes and dispose of her body. He would then share the sad news with his beloved that she had been eaten by ferocious wolves, and console the young prince in his arms.

Kharl was so eager to set his scheme in motion that he never too time to see the flaws in his plan. Flaws such as that his assassin Garfakcy was rather possessive of his master's attention and hated his master's obsession with the prince. In fact, Garfakcy would have dearly loved for Prince Rath to marry Snow Cesia, so he could keep his master all to himself. He was sorely tempted to have the two meet in secret so they could elope, but since he knew Kharl kept an uncanny close eye on the prince with the aid of his magic mirror, the assassin decided to improvise for now.

So when the time came one day to "off that bimbo Snow tart" in the words of Kharl, instead of ambushing and attacking the fair maiden, Garfakcy merely strolled right up to her on the path.

"So, Regent Kharl has a sick fetish for young dark-haired princes?" Snow Cesia repeated after Garfakcy had revealed things to her a bit.

"Yes," the assassin affirmed.

"And he wants me killed off because I'm in the way?"

"Yes."

"And you're here to do the job?"

"Ye-OH WAIT! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Garfakcy hastily tried to explain before Snow Cesia whacked his head in with a thick branch.

_SMACK!_

Too late. For a dainty-looking maid, Snow Cesia was rather strong.

"TRY AND KILL ME OFF, EH YOU LITTLE MIDGET? I'M GONNA SEND YOU BACK TO THE SHIRE WHERE YOU HOBBIT-PEOPLE BELONG!"

Somehow, Garfakcy managed to scramble out of the way of the next branch's swing and shout, "STOP! STOP, YOU CRAZY WENCH! I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU ESCAPE, FOR DUSIS'S SAKE!"

Snow Cesia stopped her mad rampage with the branch to peer suspiciously at the assassin and ask, "Why would you do that?"

"Because Master Kharl already has me!" Garfakcy huffed grumpily, "Why should he want some dim-witted immature princeling? And ruling this land is making him insane! More than usual. I want us to move back into our quiet little castle back in Kainalda, where no one bothers us with their stupid requests like food!"

"So how is letting me run away going to help make Kharl give the crown to Rath?" Snow Cesia inquired.

"Look, he's keeping a close eye on your Prince Charming right now," Garfakcy stated, "Once he thinks you're out of the picture, he'll let his guard down. Then I'll send your prince to you, and you can elope and come back to reclaim the throne. I just need you to stay in hiding for awhile."

"Yeah, well how am I supposed to tell you where I am so you can send Rath to me?" Snow Cesia demanded, hands on hips.

"Take this pouch of ash," Garfakcy said, handing the maiden a small sack hanging from his belt, "Just throw some on the ground to get in touch with me once you find some place to stay."

Then the assassin was on his way to another appointment.

oOoOoOo

**Kharl's Korner: **(In which we have a brief interlude that does nothing to progress the plot along further, but gives the reader comic relief).

"Tralalalala!" Kharl sang as twirled over to the Magic Mirror ready to play his favorite game he called "Let's-Annoy-The-Mirror-With-Pointless-Questions-To-Amuse-Ourselves".

"Ahem," the Regent cleared his throat before reciting, "Mirror, Mirror, old pal, old chum, why are squirrels so scatter-brained and dumb?"

Kharl had a gleeful fit of giggles at this question, reveling in his sheer brilliance.

And the Mirror replied without missing a beat, "I say not to laugh, 'tis true, 'tis true, their dumbness is an act to spy on you!"

To which Kharl collapsed on his bed hooting hysterically, "Ha! That was a good one! Really! Squirrels spying? Hahaha! Why on earth would they do that if they were smart enough anyway?"

"People make mittens and hats out of fur, the squirrels will get even and that is for sure!" the Mirror responded.

"What?" Kharl scoffed unbelieving in the most, "You're telling me the little bush-tails are out for revenge and are waiting for the golden opportunity to attack? I have a right mind to get you some good psychiatric help!"

"Be on your guard despite their small size, your head of hair would make quite a prize!" the Mirror answered.

"Bah!" Kharl said, a bit miffed that his game hadn't gone the way he'd planned. Instead of being amused, he was irritated, and he stalked out of his chambers to search for his beloved.

However, along the way, he became a bit…side-tracked. As he walked under the trees in the courtyard, he wondered if the squirrels scolding each other above him were sharing plans of hostile take-over in secret code. And as strolled along the paths in the gardens, he cast a weary eye on the squirrels busily hunting for their buried nuts in the ground, and wondered if it was all just an act. And as he gazed intently at the squirrel sitting innocently on a tree stump, stuffing its face with acorn, he wondered if it knew that he knew about them. And Kharl stayed awake all night long, gripping the covers and jumping at every little sound, wondering if it was the squirrels coming to scalp him.

In the morning, all of the castle was awakened by a terrible, blood-curdling scream which vibrated off the walls and received the pleasure of being the select few to see Regent Kharl dash along the corridors in nothing but his white nighty.

You see, when Kharl had dozed off in the early hours before daylight, and when he became awake, the first sight that greeted his eyes were three squirrels gathered onto the sill of his window.

And that was why Kharl was running.

Because the squirrels were watching.

He never did notice the large quantity of acorns generously poured across the surface, or hear the Magic Mirror's victorious laugh.

Oh yes, beware.

One day the world would fear the wrath of the squirrels!

**End Kharl's Korner: **(In which we quit the insane interlude and get back to the story).

oOoOoOo

Thus it was that Snow Cesia was forced to flee the place she had called home for years, away from work, her life, and her somewhat, kind-of relationship with Prince Rath. And though she was dispirited and lonely, she attempted to brighten her bleak situation by telling herself she was setting out on an adventure.

By mid afternoon, after walking for miles and miles over hills and under glens through nothing but foliage to admire, Snow Cesia outlook on her escape as an adventure had been thoroughly squashed. The maiden was beginning to seriously wonder if she should return to the castle to off Kharl herself and save everyone the trouble. Luckily her suicidal thoughts were cut short by a small and frantic cry.

"Ah! Help me! I'm gonna get eaten! No! No! No! No! I don't wanna die! Help meeeeee!"

Hastening her pace, Snow Cesia raced towards the direction of the voice, however, when she arrived at the destination, she saw no one there, yet the voice kept crying.

"Up here! I'm up here, you great lumberjack! Save me! Save me!"

Snow Cesia glanced up and stared in surprise at the sight that greeted her eyes. There, caught in a web between two branches of a tree, was a desperately struggling butterfly.

"Hurry up and help me, you big air-headed twit! Ah! Don't let her eat me! Don't let her eat me!" the butterfly screamed in a tiny high-pitched voice.

Snow Cesia looked further until her gaze landed on what the butterfly was so afraid of: a large fuchsia spider spinning hurriedly down on her thread to her prey. Quickly, the maiden plucked the butterfly from the web before the spider arrived.

"Hey, hey, hey!" the spider yelled, as her web unraveled around her, "That took me _hours_ to build! And now you steal my dinner on top of it? I don't have the energy to make another! Shooting thread out your butt ain't no piece of cake you know!"

"I _am_ sorry," Snow Cesia apologized, still thinking how strange and unnerving it was to be talking to bugs and understand them as well, "But she did ask me to save her and I'm sure she's grateful."

"Ha!" laughed the butterfly sarcastically as she flitted in the air, "I almost died! I'm not thanking you, you slow giant giraffe!"

"I should have let the spider eat you," Snow Cesia scowled, her nerves getting riled.

"I would have been happy too," the spider grumbled, "Every day she's here taunting me. Well, today she got too cocky and came too close. And you just let her off scott free!"

"Believe me, I do regret it," Snow Cesia hissed as she glared at the butterfly shaking her behind at them cheekily before skirting away in the air.

The butterfly turned to give her audience one last mocking laugh before departing. It was in this split instant that she was nearly eaten again.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" the butterfly screamed as she narrowly dodged a diving black bird.

"Ah! Save me! Save me!" she shrieked, fluttering frantically back to the maiden and the spider, burrowing herself safely in Snow Cesia's long hair.

"Wuss," the spider scoffed.

The butterfly made a few angry flickerings with her wings, but did not come out of her hiding place.

In the meantime, the black bird flew over to Snow Cesia and her companions and perched on a limb close enough to reveal that she was a magpie and began to laugh gleefully.

"HAHAHA!" she crowed, opening her beak wide with merriment, "THAT WAS GREAT! FOR ONE SO FAT, SHE SURE MOVES FAST, DOESN'T SHE?"

It was an obvious trap to coax the butterfly out, but a failed one at that, as the butterfly merely buried herself deeper in Snow Cesia's hair. And finally, the maiden had had enough puzzlement.

"All right, spill it," she said, crossing her arms, "How come all of you can talk? Are these woods enchanted?"

"HAHAHAHA!" the magpie laughed, flapping her wings together as if clapping, "ENCHANTED WOODS! HAHAHA! THIS FOREST AIN'T ENCHANTED! WE'RE ALL JUST CURSED!"

"C-c-cursed?" Snow Cesia gulped fearfully, wondering if she was going to turn into an animal as well.

"Yeah, the evil Regent Kharl thought we were prime subjects to catch his beloved princey's eyes, so he put a spell on us before the prince had a chance to see us," the spider explained.

"So, you were all girls just like me once?" Snow Cesia questioned, feeling rather glad all of a sudden that she hadn't gone back to the castle to deal with Kharl. She hadn't known he was a wizard.

"YEP, WE WERE ONCE JUST LIKE YOU!" screeched the magpie, "AIN'T IT SAD?"

Snow Cesia winced at the harsh loud sound vibrating against her ears. "Um," she began, "Is there any way you could lower your voice, please?"

"NO CAN DO! A MAGPIE'S ALWAYS LOUD!" the bird cawed back.

"Are you sure Kharl thought _you_ were a prime subject for Prince Rath to like?" Snow Cesia inquired doubtfully.

"OH NO, NOT ME!" the magpie screamed, "THAT WAS THOSE TWO CRITTERS OVER THERE! I WAS JUST CAUGHT TRYING TO SNEAK AWAY WITH ALL HIS MAGIC STUFF! I'D THOUGH THEY'D SELL GOOD ON THE BLACK MARKET!"

"You're a thief?" Snow Cesia asked interestedly. She had never met one before.

"A DARN GOOD ONE TOO!" the magpie shouted in defense, "I WAS JUST HAVING A BAD DAY! NORMALLY I CAN STEAL STUFF AND GET AWAY WHEN I'M KNEE-WALKING DRUNK!"

"Oh, all right, then," Snow Cesia stated, not knowing what to say to that, "What are your names?"

"WELL, MY NAME'S KITCHEL," the magpie shared, "THE PINK BLOB WITH EIGHT LEGS IS LIM-KANA, AND THE CHUBBY MOTH YOU'RE HIDING IS TINTLETT!"

"I am _not_ chubby!" came a muffled enraged shriek from beneath the layers of Snow Cesia's hair, "And I am _not_ a moth! I am a beautiful butterfly!"

"Well, stay in there, or you'll be a beautiful supper!" the spider, Lim-Kana threatened before turning to Snow Cesia and asking, "So, what's your story?"

The sun was slowly setting by the time the maiden was finished and by then the four had formed a common bond: all of them would seriously love to stomp Kharl's lights out.

"I mean who does he think he is?" Lim-Kana the spider complained, waving all eight out her skinny legs angrily.

"I wasn't even after his precious prince anyway! There are far better looking young men waltzing about. How dare he take away the privilege of them falling all over each other for me?" Tintlett the butterfly huffed, having cautiously poked her antenna head out of hiding.

"I'D LIKE TO DEFLATE HIS POOFY HAIR!" Kitchel the magpie declared, clacking her beak viciously.

And Snow Cesia sat and felt immensely sorry for Prince Rath having to put up with a perverted guardian like Kharl.

"Look, I could chat all day," the maiden finally said, standing up, "But I have to find someplace to hide until Kharl thinks I'm truly dead, and it'd be really good if I was there before dark which is not too far away. So, so long you three. Try not to eat each other anymore."

"HEY, WAIT!" Kitchel squawked, rising into the air indignantly, "YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIGURE OUT A WAY TO DEFEAT KHARL AN WIN YOUR BOYFRIEND BACK? YOU'RE JUST GONNA HIDE? THAT'S LOW!"

"All right, one: Prince Rath isn't exactly what I'd describe as my boyfriend," Snow Cesia explained.

The maiden shuddered as she remembered the "gifts" Prince Rath had bestowed upon her to win her affection: hacked off demon parts, a picture that read "Snow Sessya & Me 4evR" written in blood, and a bowl of specially made killer porridge. However, there were the other gifts that made her blush in pleasure, such as a white flower comb for her hair, a sparkling green pendent on a necklace, and her favorite: _the Idiots Guide to Insulting Others_. It listed such creative terms and Snow Cesia had used them any given opportunity. Yes, in a way, Prince Rath could be quite sweet in his own bumbling way.

The maiden quickly shook herself out of her reverie. Now was not the time for daydreaming! She stumbled to pick up where she left off.

"And two, I _can't _fight Kharl because he's a wizard, I am not, and I DON'T WANNA GET TURNED INTO A WHITE RAT OR SOMETHING UNNATURAL LIKE THREE!" Snow Cesia yelled out the last part a little frantically, before coughing a composing herself.

"No, really," the maiden stated, setting off, "I must be going to find someplace hidden. No more excuses. Farewell!"

"Oh, all right then," Lim-Kana the spider said airily, "Watch out for wolves."

Snow Cesia halted her brisk march into the woods in mid-step.

"Wolves?" the maiden inquired hesitantly, ice-cool chills resounding down her spine.

"Yep, this forest is full of 'em!" Lim-Kana the spider acknowledged, not perturbed in the slightest.

Ktchel the magpie and Tintlett the butterfly bobbed their heads in agreement.

Snow Cesia slowly took in her surroundings. She was in a small clearing encircled by towering trees and thick bracken. The sun had long disappeared and the blue shades of twilight had crept up on the small group without warning. Mists of gray fog lay in patches all across the forest floor, the flickering lights of fireflies cast an eerie and ominous feeling, and further within the inky blackness of the woods, the maiden imagined thousands of tiny eyes watching her.

"Don't be ridiculous," Snow Cesia denied, trying to feel as confident as she sounded, "You're only saying that to make me stay with you and your suicidal plans of revenge on Kharl. There are no w-"

In that instant, the bracken and bushes around the small clearing began to snap and crack violently as something large forced its way past them, and through the heavy darkness, the maiden caught sight of the dim outline of a huge furry creature and a long snout. Glowing red eyes stared back at her as a low growl sounded in the air.

"W-W-W-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLF!" Snow Cesia screamed pointing at it, before turning a full one hundred eighty degrees and taking off as fast as her legs could carry her.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Wait! Wait! Wait for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Tintlett the butterfly shrieked, flitting as swift as possible.

"Every insect for herself!" Lim-Kana cried, swinging past her from tree to tree on her thread.

"WHO'S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF? BIG BAD WOLF! BIG BAD WOLF! WHO'S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD WOLF? LALALALALALA!" sang Kitchel the magpie in vindictive pleasure to both the predator and the prey as she soared safely above everyone.

Snow Cesia was running too hard and was far too frightened to be angry at the magpie's taunts. The maiden was otherwise distracted with the intent on escaping with her life. It seemed like the fates had decided to gang up against her somehow. Every which way she turned, something tried to kill her!

"Hey!" Lim-Kana the spider shouted from a tree above, "Straight ahead at twelve o'clock! Look! Look!"

And Snow Cesia realized that though she was indeed running in a straight line, she was really _seeing_ anything, so when her eyes finally focused on the object in front of her, the maiden nearly wept for joy.

"In the cottage everyone! Hurry!" she cried, vaulting across the bridge over the stream and racing up the path to the small house.

Half expecting the door to be locked, the maiden braced herself and flung her full body weight at the wood. The result was that she went crashing headlong past the door that flew open on its unlocked hinges and landed face-first on the floor with a fall so hard it knocked the wind out of her for a bit. Gasping for breath, she eased herself up, and stumbled back to door, hoping that the others had made it.

"Close the door! Close the door! Close it! Close it! Close it! Close it! Close it! Close it!" Tintlett the butterfly screeched at the maiden shrilly, zipping past her.

"Make way! Coming through!" Lim-Kana the spider yelled, her thread landing her on the right doorframe of the cottage, and she scurried hurriedly inside.

Snow Cesia tried her best to close the door before Kitchel the magpie was allowed in, but the bird was much swifter, and flew inside just as the door slammed shut. The maiden grabbed a chair and pushed it up under the doorknob as a safeguard. Stepping back, she heard the creature prowling around just outside.

"What if it rips the door open?" Tintlett the butterfly thought out loud in a quivering voice.

Sweatdrops appeared on everyone's forehead and then finally solved their dilemma by making a mad dash up some stairs and bolting themselves into the room above. Still, even then, no one spoke, too keen on listening to the wolf's footsteps outside and wondering if it was going to burst inside and eat them all at any moment. Yet sleep and tiredness soon overcame their fear until one by one they dropped off: Kitchel the magpie roosting soundly in the rafters above, Lim-Kana the spider curled up peacefully in a knot-hole in the wall, and Tintlett the butterfly snoring while she nestled comfortably in her favorite spot, Snow Cesia's long soft hair.

Soon, only Snow Cesia, herself, was the last one to be awake, yet even she was not immune to sleep as her eyelids drooped wearily in exhaustion. The last conscious thought the maiden had was wondering to whom the cottage belonged to and why there were seven beds in the room.

oOoOoOo

The next thing Snow Cesia knew it was morning and the bright sunshine was streaming merrily through the windows onto her face. For one minute, the maiden couldn't remember where she was, and jarred her brain to recall the chaotic events that had happened yesterday. It seemed too extraordinary to be true. It all had been a dream right?

Then she spotted Kitchel the magpie still snoozing in the rafters and reality embraced her roughly.

Literally, something beside her rolled over and embraced her non-too gently and mumbled something incoherent into her shoulder.

Before the maiden did anything too dramatic, she turned over to take a good look at what it was.

Well, apparently, it was the handsome young man with orange-gold hair and dreadlocks whom she was currently nestled against.

Snow Cesia appropriately screamed.

No, correction. First she leapt out of bed, whacked the young man with her pillow and then screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! PERVERT!" the maiden shrieked, packing him several more good whacks with her pillow, "RAPIST! MOLESTER! VILE, DISGUSTING DEBAUCHER!"

Yep, that _Idiots Guide to Insulting Others_ was coming in really handy.

Her blood-curdling screaming seemed to awaken the young man rather efficiently, as he jolted up in bed, spotted exactly what was making such painful sounds to ears, and fell off the bed with a yelp of surprise, tangled up in the sheets.

And just as Snow Cesia thought the excitement was over, the maiden's heart was given a shock as six other forms in the room springing up in their beds from the ruckus.

Yes, that is right. Snow Cesia found herself completely surrounded by seven handsome young men.

Bare-chested to boot.

"OMIGAWD!" the maiden screamed, panic over-riding her senses, "IT'S A CONSPIRACY! IT'S A SCANDAL! IT'S TOTALLY IMPROPER!"

To which one of the young men rubbed his eyes and stared at her very hard, before pointing at her and exclaiming, "AH! RABID FANGIRL! WE'VE BEEN DISCOVERED! RUN! IT'S NOT SAFE HERE ANYMORE!"

The events that swiftly followed were completely chaotic and unruly. Madness and hysteria ran rampant as everyone began shouting and attacking each other.

Snow Cesia felt that her pillow could only deal out so much damage, so she picked up the nearest objects on the nightstand near the bed without looking and began chucking them at the young men.

"I CAN'T HANDLE THIS! I CAN'T!" the maiden cried frenziedly, "WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO ANYONE TO DESERVE THIS? IT'S ALL THAT PRINCE RATH'S FAULT FOR BEING SO DARN KAWAII AND NAÏVE! I BET I HAVE BEEN CURSED BY KHARL, AND ITS SUFFERING HEART ATTACKS LEFT AND RIGHT!"

"OI, STOP THROWING THOSE THINGS!" someone yelled close to her ear, and the next thing she knew, someone had tackled her to the floor, and was pinning her arms down.

"YAH! GET OFF ME, FOUL VILLAIN! I MAY BE A GIRL BUT I'M NO WEAKLING!" Snow Cesia declared boisterously, managing to pull out the white flower comb in her hair and stab it into her assailant's hands.

"YEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWCH!" came the pained cry above her as she was released immediately.

The three cursed animals by this time had woken up and decided to join in on the melee.

"DA-DA-DUH! IT'S ARACHNA-GIRL!" Lim-Kana cheered herself on as she dropped down on a thread directly in front of a scarred-face young man, "FEAR MY POWER!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAGH! THERE'S A SPIDER ON MY NOSE! THERE'S A SPIDER ON MY NOSE! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT NOW!" he shrieked running amuck cross-eyed until he slammed into a wall.

Kitchel the magpie was having fun as well hunched over above the door-frame, spreading her wings wide and crowing, "NEVERMORE! NEVERMORE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

And Tintlett the butterfly fluttered bleary-eyed about the room, yawning, "Hmm? What's going on?"

She bumped into a certain green-haired young man who took one look at her and went into a total break down.

"FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIRY!" he screeched, backing up and flaying his arms wildly, "NO! SHOO! TIME-OUT! UNCLE! AH…I'M DEAD!"

He abruptly let himself fall to one side.

Well, who knows how long they all could have kept it up, if not for Snow Cesia's earlier panic to fade, and a mighty irritation set in. Wanting to know what exactly what kind of situation she was in, she put two fingers in her mouth and let loose a shrill, high-pitched whistle that stopped everyone in their tracks.

"All right, listen up!" the maiden ordered, standing spread-legged, hands on her hips, "I aim to get some answers and I want the truth! Who are you all and what are you doing here?"

The young man with the orange-gold hair and dreadlocks to whom Snow Cesia had woken up next to, stepped forward and answered.

"We're the seven freakin' HOT bishounens and we live here!" he said, crossing his arms, "Who are you?"

**TBC…**

**A/N: Well, I'm back, and I hope you've enjoyed this fic as well as my return! I've noticed that the polls on my website were showing you all were quite angry with me for delving into other categories and ignore this one so long, hehehehehe! I hope this appeases you all! I know I enjoyed writing it! And if you hadn't noticed, I am trying to have a REAL romance in this fic. Hopefully it will become clearer in other chapters. So, tell me what you thought of this, fav parts, parts where you laughed, etc. And obviously you'll find out who the seven freakin' HOT bishounens are in the next chapter, though you've probably guessed a few already! Lurve you all! Please review! **


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